5 Steps to Understanding Your Nervous System and How to Regulate It

In today's fast-paced world, feelings of anxiety, stress, and even depression have become all too common. While these emotions can feel overwhelming, it's important to understand that they are often normal responses to life's challenges.

Step 1: Meet Your Nervous System

At the core of our emotional and physical responses lies the Autonomic Nervous System (ANS). This system operates largely on autopilot, regulating essential functions like heart rate, digestion, and breathing without us having to even think about these things. It has two primary branches:

1. Sympathetic Nervous System (SNS): Known as the "fight or flight" system, the SNS prepares your body to respond to real or perceived threats by increasing alertness, heart rate, and muscle tension. When we are in that state, certain functions shut down to focus on dealing with the threat at hand, such as our immune and digestive systems.

   
   

2. Parasympathetic Nervous System (PNS): Often called the "rest and digest" system, the PNS calms your body after the threat has passed, helping you relax and recover.

   
   

These systems work together to maintain balance, but when we're under prolonged stress or have experienced trauma, it can become disrupted. This can lead to states of dysregulation, such as chronic anxiety, panic attacks, or dissociation. It can also create fertile grounds for IBS or autoimmune diseases.

Fortunately, there are things we can do to signal to your nervous system that you're safe, allowing it to return to a state of rest and digest.

Step 2: Recognise Dysregulation

Now that you understand how it works a bit better, it's crucial to recognise when your nervous system is out of balance. Common signs of dysregulation include:

• Stress (Hyperarousal): you might feel anxious, and restless, or notice a racing heart. In this state, your body is constantly prepared to respond to a threat, even if no real danger exists.

  
  

• Dissociation (Hypoarousal): you might feel numb, apathetic, disconnected, or even depressed. This is your body's way of protecting itself from overwhelming stress by shutting down.

  
  

• Freeze Response: A combination of both hyperarousal and hypoarousal, where you feel stuck—wanting to fight or flee but also feeling immobilised and unable to do anything.

It's important to understand that trying to think your way out of one of these states is often impossible. Our state of regulation will dictate what we tell ourselves. For instance, when we're stressed, our inner voice can be frantic, saying things like, "Oh no, I don't know what to do, I'm so stupid, please stop looking at me." When we're in a state of apathy, it might sound more like a slow, heavy voice saying, "It's too late for you. There's no point. Why even bother?" In the Freeze state, it can sound like, "I have so much to do, I'm so overwhelmed, but I can't do any of it. I'm so useless."

These voices will sound a lot less dramatic once you're back to regulation, and you'll wonder why your brain went straight to catastrophising!

Step 3: Normalise Your Experience

The next step is to stop judging yourself for feeling anxious, depressed, or dissociated. These are natural responses to stress and trauma, and adding self-criticism only compounds the stress. If you've ever had panic attacks, you may relate to this: the more you try to avoid a panic attack, the more anxious you become. That's simply because your nervous system is trying to get you to listen to the signals it's sending. Repressing them will only make the signals louder.

Instead, it's important to approach your feelings with curiosity and compassion. Your body is doing its best to protect you, even if its methods aren't always helpful in the moment.

Step 4: Use Regulation Techniques

The good news is that there are many ways to help your nervous system return to a state of regulation. When dysregulated, you might be tempted to use coping strategies to alleviate the discomfort. This can include doom scrolling, overeating, overspending, overdrinking, overworking, or overexercising—basically, anything in excess. It might also show up as self-harming, people-pleasing, or shutting down entirely.

When you notice the urge to engage in these behaviours, try pausing and delaying the action by attempting a regulation technique first. Over time, the goal is to gradually replace those coping mechanisms—but let's take it one step at a time.

Here are some practical techniques you can use depending on the state you find yourself in:

For Stress (Hyperarousal):

• Breathing Exercises: Exhaling slowly and fully can help activate the PNS, calming your system. Try breathing for 5, breathing out for 8 until your belly feels completely empty while making a “shhh” sound. Repeat until you feel calmer.

  
  

• Grounding Techniques: Engage your senses by noticing 5 things you can see, 4 things you can hear, 3 things you can touch, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste.

  
  

• Physical Activity: Gentle yoga or a walk in nature can help discharge excess energy. The more aroused you are, the more adrenaline your body produces, which needs to be used. So, the more stressed you feel, the more physical the activity may need to be—like kickboxing, or dancing to loud music. If your body is telling you to move, listen to it! Trying to sit still will only make it worse.

  
  

For Dissociation (Hypoarousal):

• Sensation Stimulation: Hold something soft, smell something pleasant, or gently sway your body to bring yourself back into the present moment.

  
  

• Mindfulness Practices: While traditional meditation may increase dissociation, grounding exercises where you keep your eyes open and stay connected to your environment can be beneficial. Describing things around you in detail can be a good way to stay present—especially if you take your time doing it.

  
  

• Small Movements: Engage in small, gentle movements like wiggling your fingers or toes to bring a bit of energy back into your body without overwhelming it.

  
  

For the Freeze Response:

• In this case, start by addressing the dissociation to help bring yourself into the present moment. Then, use techniques to manage the anxiety.

Step 5: Practice and Reflect

Everyone is different, and some techniques that work for others may not work for you, so it's important to experiment and see what works best depending on the state you are in. Other tools to explore include journaling, singing, drawing, talking to a good listener, cleaning around the house, gardening, or engaging in anything creative!

It's also a good idea to check in with yourself regularly to see how your body is doing. Are you clenching your jaw? Your toes? What about your shoulders? Are you feeling any heaviness around your chest? Some people find it useful to set a timer a few times a day to remind themselves to pause, notice, and regulate as needed. It's particularly useful to do before and after a stressful event. The good news is, the more you practice the regulation techniques, the less effort will be required!

Another important point is that our nervous system perceives threats based on past experiences. For instance, if your caregivers shouted at you when you were growing up, you may now become highly dysregulated when someone raises their voice at you, even as an adult. Similarly, if you've been in a car crash and developed PTSD, being in a car may feel unsafe, even if it seems irrational to those around you.

I’ve created a handy guide that you can download for free—let me know if it helps! If you'd like to book a consultation with me, you can contact me and I'll be happy to discuss how I may help you find ways to regulate your nervous system.