We all carry pieces of our past with us—whether it's unresolved trauma, attachment wounds, or the weight of everyday stress. These experiences can shape who we are, sometimes in ways that leave us feeling disconnected from our true selves. Over time, we develop coping mechanisms to survive, but those coping strategies can turn into unhealthy patterns, leaving us feeling stuck, overwhelmed, and unsure of how to move forward.
That’s where this 5-step process comes in. It’s a flexible framework that I’ve developed to help my counselling clients not only understand what’s holding them back but also give them the tools to move toward lasting healing and authenticity. Each step builds upon the last, guiding clients deeper into self-awareness, emotional regulation, and healing.
It's important to note not all clients will need to go through all the steps, and some can happen simultaneously, or even in a different order. This framework is just a way to capture what I think clients can get out of counselling sessions with me. Here's what it looks like:
Step 1: Understanding
The first step is all about understanding yourself on a deeper level. We’ll explore how your past experiences—whether it’s childhood trauma, feeling like you don't belong, and the messages you received and internalised—are showing up in your current life. Making these connections is usually when clients experience a few 'ah-ha!' moments.
We’ll dive into key insights like your attachment style, ACE (Adverse Childhood Experiences) score, and any symptoms you’re experiencing, such as OCD, people-pleasing, or emotional numbness.
This stage is all about gaining clarity. By connecting the dots between your past and present, you’ll start to see how the experiences you’ve lived through have shaped the way you see yourself, others, and the world. The goal here is to bring these patterns into the light so we can begin the work of change.
Typically though, in the counselling process, we are always gaining new insights, and this piece is actually always increasing and never fully 'done'. We are always experiencing new things that are opportunities for us to increase our self-awareness.
Step 2: Regulating
Once we understand where your struggles stem from, we focus on regulating your emotions. It’s not enough to just recognise the patterns—we need to give you the tools to manage them. This is where we work on self-regulation, emotional resilience, and learning to feel without being overwhelmed.
We’ll explore how your nervous system responds to stress, trauma, and triggers, and we’ll focus on techniques that help calm and regulate your body and mind.
You’ll learn about things like the Autonomic Nervous System (ANS), how to recognise triggers, and self-soothing practices. Whether it’s managing panic attacks, slowing down impulsivity, or regulating after an amygdala hijack, this stage is all about creating a toolkit that helps you regain control over your emotional responses.
This step is a non-negotiable if we want to work with trauma, PTSD, or heal our inner child safely without getting overwhelmed.
Step 3: Connecting
Healing doesn’t happen in isolation, and that’s why connection is a crucial part of this process. First, we’ll work on reconnecting you to yourself—your true emotions, needs, and desires. At this stage, it can also be a time when clients feel comfortable disclosing things they've kept hidden for a very long time, to me and/or others close to them.
We’ll also look at how you connect with others, and how you relate to them. Is there anyone in your life you could become more vulnerable with? That you could try to show bits of your real self to?
Having disconfirming experiences can be powerful, as they can challenge negative self-beliefs we don't even question, such as "No one really cares about how I really feel anyway".
This step is about helping you feel more grounded, understood, and connected—both inwardly and outwardly.
Step 4: Healing
With a solid foundation of understanding, regulation, and connection, we’ll dive deeper into the healing work. This is where we address the root causes of the pain, trauma, or shame that may have been holding you back. We’ll engage in inner child work, emotional processing, and somatic practices that help you release the weight of what you’ve been carrying.
This is the step where profound shifts can happen, and it can be pretty rough. We’ll focus on addressing the wounds you’ve been living with, helping you to not just cope, but heal.
It’s intense work, as we'll be opening Pandora's box, but it’s also where you’ll feel the most transformative change.
Step 5: Being
Finally, we arrive at the last step: being. This is where you step into your authentic self, fully embracing who you are. We’ll work on communicating your needs, setting boundaries, and living in alignment with your true values.
This step is about living your life with intention, with the emotional tools to handle challenges and the self-awareness to navigate relationships.
It’s the culmination of all the work we’ve done together—helping you move from healing to thriving. It's always a huge privilege to see people be more and more themselves, less worried about what they're meant to say or do to please others (including me!) and bring their authentic selves.
For some people who've already done quite a bit of work on themselves, they may only need a space to truly 'be', and that's what counselling is for them. A space to process emotions as they arise, safely and without judgement.
Why This Process Works
This 5-step process isn’t about quick fixes or surface-level change. It’s a deep, integrative approach designed to help you understand yourself on a fundamental level, heal from the wounds that have shaped you, and empower you to live in alignment with your authentic self. By working through these steps, we create a solid foundation for lasting change—one that gives you the emotional and mental tools to handle life’s challenges with grace and resilience.
If that sounds like a journey you'd like to embark on, please reach out to schedule a free 20-minute consultation!
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